The Ladies of Penge

Elizabeth rang last night and I truly regret answering the telephone as I remained stuck to the earpiece for over two hours and still have a headache!. I was a trifle snippy with her. It is not as though she has anything of a revelatory nature to tell, just the usual moan-age about her ever worsening varicose veins. I tell her repeatedly that a good pair of support tights can work wonders, but does she listen?... NO, is the answer.

The main reason for her call was to read out an article from her local "newspaper," The New Penge Shopper. This particular story had got her all hot and bothered and Elizabeth took it upon herself to adopt an outraged-of-Penge tone. Although (as you know), I do try to encourage certain standards of behaviour, I did feel that she was making herself a tad over-wrought, if not hysterical. I have included a snippet of the article from the New Penge Shopper (see below).

Down The Hatch!!!

At around 8pm on the evening of Thursday 2nd April, the ladies of the Penge East Keep Fit Society, were accosted in the church hall of St Speedle-in-the-Mire. They were rehearsing their group dance number for the forthcoming London and South East Regional Keep Fit competition.

While attempting to perfect their human pyramid, the ladies were visually assaulted by a man of indeterminate age, exposing himself through a serving hatch in the wall.

"It was totally unexpected," recalled Valerie Williams(54), "thank heavens the vase was standing in front of him." Another member of the troupe, Gracie Mackeralidge(58), exclaimed, "if I hadn't been legs akimbo on top of Janice, I would have shut the doors on his you-know-what."

Good to see such high spirits remain amongst the team. You go girls, all the way to the finals!

Elizabeth has announced that she is thinking of selling her house and moving to Brackish Waters to live with her Aunt. I fear it would be a perilous mistake on her part should she do so. She truly believes that she will be the next victim of the flasher and has gone as far as nailing boards over her letter box for fear of receiving a "special delivery."

Is this what they call spring madness?

yours truly

Griselda Primrose